did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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