we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
