did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize