You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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