then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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