So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
