i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
