I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
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