I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
