i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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