did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Im part way to drunk.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
