But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ketchup is God's man juice
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
