Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
