I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
