There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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