omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Still dying that you shit outside
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
