He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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