She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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