just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
