my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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