What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
