you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's blow job season.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
