Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
