I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
