they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
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