he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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