i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The Olympian is in my bed
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
