I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you never un-have a 4some
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize