he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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