This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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