i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
