my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My bed smells like the plague
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
