I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
