arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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