VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
