I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
