so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
