Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
