I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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