I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
