My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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