Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize