he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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