ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
