My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
