Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
