My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
