she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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