Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
