We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
two words: eviction party
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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