it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
