phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
