1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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