i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
