Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
