I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
