Having a random hookup so left but love u
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
