that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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