he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
