I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
