Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
