Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
