come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
