Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
