On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
