Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
