I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
