so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
